Questioning the Church can turn your whole world upside down.
Suddenly you’re re-framing how you see yourself, your relationships, your sexuality and even your sense of where you belong.
The entire experience is confusing, lonely, and it can feel like the ground beneath you has disappeared. But it can also be the beginning of something incredibly freeing. A chance to discover who you are beneath all the expectations, guilt and rules you’ve been carrying for so long.
If you’re navigating that transition, I offer private coaching to help you reconnect with yourself, build healthier relationships and create a more honest, fulfilling connection with your sexuality.
You won’t find pressure here. Or judgement. Or someone trying to replace one set of beliefs with another. Just a space to reconnect with yourself and discover what feels genuinely true for you.
Hi, I’m Jim. Like you, I grew up in a deeply religious family.
Faith influenced how I thought about sex, relationships, and what it meant to be a “good man.” When I eventually stepped away from that world, I assumed leaving the beliefs behind would be enough. Spoiler alert…it wasn’t. I left the Church, but the Church didn’t fully leave me. As it turns out, old beliefs don’t always get the memo!
I still carried shame around my sexuality, so I began a journey that changed everything. Now, I’m a certified sexuality and intimacy coach for men. For over twenty years, I’ve helped thousands of men untangle the beliefs, expectations and patterns they’ve been carrying. I’m not here to replace one set of rules with another. I’m here to help you hear your own voice again.
“How can I redefine my faith on my own terms? How do I value myself outside of the church, especially as a sexual man? I’ve been doing my best to answer those questions for years. I’m fortunate to have been referred to Jim Benson. Thanks to his practices, support and guidance, I’m now LIVING those answers. Bless you, Jim.”
— Spencer O.
Leaving can be liberating.
It can also leave you feeling lost.
If you’ve left the church, it doesn’t mean every belief packed its bags and left with you. You also may not be ready to leave—that’s okay too.
You might no longer believe what you were taught, yet still feel guilty about desire. You may want to explore a freer life but have no idea what that actually looks like. Maybe you’re dating outside the church for the first time, rebuilding after a divorce, or simply trying to figure out who you are without the community and expectations that once shaped your life.
And then there’s the question many people quietly ask themselves…
“I thought leaving was supposed to make me feel free. So why do I still feel stuck?”
Does this sound familiar?
For much of your life, there was a pretty clear picture of what it meant to be a good man. You knew what you were supposed to believe, how you were expected to behave, what kind of relationship you should want, and even what your sexuality was allowed to look like. Whether you agreed with all of it or not, there was a certain structure to it. You were part of a community and a shared way of seeing the world.
Then, somewhere along the way, you started unravelling that structure and began asking questions. And once those questions started, it became difficult to pretend they weren’t there.
Suddenly, you’re wondering:
- How do you work through the guilt and shame you’re feeling inside?
- What kind of man do you want to become?
- Which values still feel true to you, and which were built from fear?
- What does your sexuality look like when it no longer belongs to an institution, a family or a set of inherited rules?
You left the church. But what did the church leave inside you?
Changing your beliefs doesn’t automatically change the way your body responds.
You might know rationally that there’s nothing wrong with desire, but still feel wary when it shows up. Or you might believe that sex should be open and honest, but still find it hard to talk about what you want.
Your beliefs may have changed, but I’m afraid years of conditioning don’t disappear overnight.
They often become woven into the way you breathe, the way you hold tension in your body, the way you relate to intimacy and even the way you see yourself.
These “symptoms” may show up as:
- Shame or anxiety around desire
- Fear of disappointing your family
- Feeling emotionally shut down during conflict
- Performance anxiety or overthinking during sex
- Confusion about dating, commitment, monogamy or sexual exploration
In my experience, that’s completely normal. Your mind may have made the decision, but it often takes your body, your relationships and your sense of identity a little longer to catch up.
Desire doesn’t make you broken!
One of the hardest parts of leaving a strict religious environment is that your beliefs can change long before your relationship with your own sexuality does.
You might know there’s nothing wrong with desire, and still feel guilty when it shows up. You might want a more open relationship with your sexuality, but not really know what that looks like yet.
And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It usually just means you’ve spent years learning one way of relating to this part of yourself, and it takes time to learn another.
The goal isn’t to fear your desire, and it isn’t to be ruled by it either. It’s to build a relationship with it that’s honest, healthy and grounded in choice rather than shame.
Your sexuality belongs to you.
One thing I’ve noticed: When guys finally leave a strict religious environment, they often feel like they have to make up for lost time.
Suddenly EVERYTHING is possible! They start to feel pressure to experience all the things the’ve been longing to experience.
If this sounds like you, then I suggest you pump the brakes a little, and take a moment to be honest with yourself.
Becoming your own man.
There may be parts of your upbringing that you still value. Things like commitment, loyalty, family or your relationship with God may still feel deeply important to you.
The difference is that now you understand that you can choose your values for yourself.
Consider:
- What do I want to keep?
- What am I ready to release?
- What does integrity mean when I define it for myself?
- Who am I when I am no longer trying to please, impress or rebel against anyone?
- What does it mean to be a healthy, sexual, autonomous man?
These are not small questions. You do not need to answer all of them at once, and you definitely do not need another authority figure handing you a new rulebook! Your work is learning how to develop your own compass.
“I’m approaching 60 and I’m clear that I’m going to stay in the church. So much of my life is centered there, and it would rock the boat so much I’d be afraid of capsizing! But I’ve also felt trapped by the religious doctrine I’ve absorbed about purity, spirituality, and being a “righteous man.” Working with Jim has helped me gradually come to terms with my desires, to be more present and less in my head, and to realize that church culture doesn’t get to dictate my relationship with my own masculinity.”
— Thomas A.
Where do you go from here?
Leaving the Church is one thing. Figuring out who you are afterwards is something else. That process looks different for everyone.
For some people, it’s about relationships. For others, it’s about sexuality, identity or learning to trust themselves again. Wherever you find yourself, we’ll begin there.
Depending on what you’re navigating, our work together might include:
🧩 Identity and individuality
We’ll look at the difference between the identity you inherited and the person you are becoming. This can include questions around masculinity, family expectations, purpose, confidence and what you want the next chapter of your life to represent.
🧠 Religious and sexual conditioning
We’ll identify the rules and shame patterns that may still be operating automatically. Rather than attacking your past, we’ll examine how it shaped you and decide what’s worth keeping.
🧘 Connection to your body
Many men become highly skilled at thinking, analyzing and performing while feeling very little. We’ll use breath, awareness and embodied practices to help you become more present with sensation, emotion, desire and pleasure.
❤️🔥 Sexual confidence
We may work with performance anxiety, erection inconsistency, premature ejaculation, loss of desire, difficulty receiving pleasure or the feeling that sex has become something you must get right.
🫂 Relationships and communication
We’ll explore emotional availability, boundaries, conflict and how to communicate with a partner whose beliefs or needs may differ from yours.
🧭 Dating after faith
Dating outside the church can feel liberating and bewildering. We can work through expectations, intimacy, consent, confidence and the challenge of discovering what kind of relationship you actually want.
⚖️ Values and choice
The aim is not to leave you without values. It is to help you build a life around values you have examined and chosen for yourself.
Coaching may be right for you if you are…
You don’t have agree with every checked box below.
But if you find yourself nodding along to a few of them, there’s a good chance our work together could be helpful.
✅ Questioning the Church, or finding your way after leaving a strict religious environment.
✅ Feeling a bit lost without the identity or community you once had.
✅ Trying to figure out who you are outside the roles you grew up with.
✅ Carrying guilt, anxiety or confusion around sex and intimacy.
✅ Wanting to build a freer life without losing the values that still matter to you.
✅ Dating again and realizing you’re not quite sure how to navigate relationships anymore.
✅ Feeling emotionally or sexually disconnected from your partner.
✅ Trying to make a relationship work when your spouse or family is still deeply involved in the Church.
✅ Rebuilding after a divorce, rejection or another major life change.
✅ Still noticing shame and fear affecting your body and your relationships.
✅ Looking for practical support rather than someone telling you what to believe.
✅ Ready to make choices that feel like they’re actually yours.
✅ Ready to invest the time, energy and financial resources to make the changes you’re longing for.
How does the coaching process work?
1. Begin with a confidential conversation
The first step is a private, confidential introductory call. You can tell me what is happening, what you are struggling with and what you would like to change.
There is no pressure to commit, and you do not need to share anything before you are ready.
2. Understand the patterns you are carrying
Once we begin your custom set of coaching sessions, we’ll look at the beliefs, expectations and somatic patterns that continue to shape your choices. The aim is not to blame your family, your church or your past. It is to understand what you learned and how it is affecting you now.
3. Build something that is genuinely yours
Through conversation, practical exercises and embodied work, you begin developing a clearer relationship with your values, emotions, body, sexuality and relationships.
This work is not a cookie-cutter approach. It’s tailored to your personal situation. We’ll move at a pace that supports honest change rather than forcing another version of who you think you should be.
What’s possible for me?
Every man’s process is different. Over time, the work may help you experience:
- Greater clarity about who you are and what you believe
- Less shame around sexuality and desire
- More confidence in bed
- Living into your true masculine self
- The ability to make decisions without fear or rebellion controlling them
“I’m surprised at how quickly I adjusted to leaving the church. I was worried at first that I lost my friends, family, that maybe I made the wrong choice. After a few months I realized how much joy there was outside of religion. But I was also surprised at how much I had to learn about sex. Jim’s coaching has been a huge help for me. I’ve let go of a lot of shame. I’m understanding so much about myself and what I’m capable of. I love being me and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
— Daniel B.
“A thousand thank-yous, Mr. Benson. You took me where my therapist could not! Your specificity around my particular failing in bed, and your “antidote,” made all the difference. The ladies are thanking you too ;-)”
— William S.
Make the change now!
Maybe you’ve been telling yourself that you’ll make some of these changes at some point in the future. When work slows down. When the kids are older. When….?
Well, unless you take direct, intentional action, your situation will not magically change in a positive way. It’s an act of self-love to begin steering the ship of your healthy masculinity in the direction of your soul’s longing.
So stop avoiding. Now is the moment. You got this!
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this coaching only for former Mormons?
No. The coaching is for men who are rebuilding after any strict religious or highly controlled environment. This specific page speaks directly to men leaving or questioning the LDS Church because some of the cultural and relational challenges can be particularly difficult.
Do I need to have formally left the church?
No. You may still be attending, privately questioning, gradually distancing yourself or uncertain about what you want to do. Coaching gives you a confidential place to think honestly without being pushed toward a predetermined decision.
What if I still value parts of my faith?
You do not need to reject everything. Many people retain values, practices or spiritual beliefs that continue to feel meaningful. The work is about determining what is genuinely yours and what is maintained primarily through fear, shame or obligation.
Is this religious trauma therapy?
No. I am a coach, not a licensed mental health therapist, and coaching is not a replacement for clinical treatment. If you are working through significant trauma, depression, addiction or another mental health concern, therapy may be the more appropriate form of support—or something you pursue alongside coaching.
My work is practical and present-focused, helping you build awareness, develop new patterns and create a more conscious relationship with yourself, your body and other people.
Is the coaching only about sex?
No. Sexuality is often an important part of the work because religious conditioning can affect desire, confidence and intimacy so deeply. But the larger focus is identity, relationships, emotional presence, values and the kind of life you want to create.
Can coaching help with sexual shame?
Yes. We can look at the beliefs and body responses that continue to create shame, even when your intellectual beliefs have changed. The aim is not to convince you to become more sexual. It is to help you develop a healthier and more conscious relationship with the sexuality that is already part of you.
What if my partner is still active in the church?
This is a common and understandably complicated situation. Coaching can help you communicate more honestly, clarify your boundaries and remain present with both your needs and your partner’s experience. If you both love each other, we can discuss how to make your relationship work.
Will you tell me to divorce or change my relationship structure?
No. I will not tell you to leave the relationship or pressure your partner to change.
Those decisions belong to you and the people involved. I can help you understand what is driving your thoughts, communicate more clearly and make decisions from greater awareness rather than fear, pressure or rebellion.
Is the coaching confidential?
Yes. Confidentiality is fundamental to the work, particularly when family, community or religious consequences are involved. We can discuss any practical concerns during the introductory conversation.
What happens during the introductory call?
We talk about what brought you here, what you would like to change and whether my approach feels appropriate for you. It is a conversation, not a sales presentation. You will have space to ask questions and decide whether you want to continue.