Yep. That’s right. I’m suggesting that you have sex LIKE a squirrel.

Not WITH a squirrel. That’s a post for another time 😉

OK, OK, I’ll explain.

Yesterday I was watching two squirrels play in the redwood grove in my backyard. I know they were playing because it wasn’t the usual macho, fight-to-the-death intensity that two males exhibit. This was more like a frisky, friendly game of hide-and-seek. They went up one tree, gracefully circling the trunk, leapt to the next tree and spiraled down in the same playful way. I was fascinated watching them.

Then the one I assumed to be the male started to lead the female along his special path through the branches of bay and eucalyptus at the edge of the property. He would run along for several feet for a stretch he was obviously familiar with, look back, and she would tentatively follow. I watched them for a few more minutes doing this follow-the-leader dance before they disappeared.

The point of my story is this: As a sex and relationship coach, I’ve talked one-on-one with hundreds of guys, giving them suggestions on how to improve their love lives.

A high percentage of men I talk to are anxious, uncomfortable in their bodies, preoccupied with strategizing, and generally do not enjoy themselves very much at all in the bedroom.

Watching the squirrels made me want to climb up on my roof and shout, “GUYS, where is your sense of PLAY?”

I don’t necessarily mean being an adolescent goofball, or turning her off with childish antics. I mean having the self-confidence to lead you and your partner into an open, light-hearted state of pleasure and sincere delight.

I understand that many men have trauma and emotional scars that keep them from relaxing into pleasure like an alpha-squirrel with his potential mate.

And that many of the skills that have made men successful at work unfortunately train them to have less delight in their lives away from the office.

And that if you have ED or PE or DE or STD or RSVP or any other scary abbreviations that it can be a challenge to overcome the tendency toward a downward mental and emotional spiral when presented with a sexual opportunity.


I want to encourage you to find a way to introduce a minimum of 10% more play into your bedroom activities.

Start a pillow fight. Start a wrestling match. Tickle-torture her. Pin her arms over her head and growl while you bite her neck.

If things have momentarily gotten stilted, uncomfortable or heavy, put on some light-hearted music. Take a break with a glass of wine or champagne. Make up a song about her beauty and sing it to her. Kiss each of her fingers and kiss your way up her arm. Or kiss each of her toes and make your way up her leg.

Remember this: Your partner was once a little girl who loved to play. How can you connect with that delight-filled aspect of her without ever losing sight of the fact that she is now a fully-grown woman?

That’s the challenge I offer you.

Enjoy the journey, my friend.