Here are two simple, yet challenging keys to experiencing more love and pleasure with the woman in your life.

  • Stop wishing she would change
  • Learn to love her quirks

Not what you expected, huh? But it’s true.

It’s all about changing your own “mood of resentment” to a state of acceptance. It’s the sign of a more mature man who accepts things as they are. (Or perhaps just the mark of a man who is tired of struggling and suffering!)

But for just a moment, step into your woman’s shoes, and see yourself how she sees you.

For example, she sees this hairy creature who loves action films, fried food and beer. He doesn’t call his mother or talk about his feelings very often. He leaves the toilet seat up. (Continue to fill in your quirks and lifestyle habits here.)

Now imagine that she completely accepted all of these aspects of you. Not only did she accept them, but she LOVED you BECAUSE of these particular masculine quirks. How would that make you feel? Pretty damn good, I’ll bet. You might even start doing some extra work around the house, or giving her spontaneous foot-rubs!

So stop hoping that she’ll change, and learn to appreciate and love her for who she is.

Just to be clear: I’m not talking about being resigned to the fact that your woman criticizes you constantly, or has an addiction or mental illness she hasn’t dealt with. I’m not saying to accept a woman who is manipulative, who lies to you or cheats on you. That’s a call for you to establish clear boundaries, and to possibly consider ending the relationship.

I’m talking about a good woman who you love and enjoy being around, and with whom you want to go deeper.

Instead of complaining — either aloud or to yourself — that she likes chick flicks, cries too much, talks too much, takes too long to get ready to go out, and __ (fill in her particular habits here), just say Yes to her “specialness.”

Sometimes I say to my wife, when she’s being particularly quirky, “You are such a woman!” Or “You are so cute right now!” And we both laugh, because I’m saying it with a lot of appreciation and love in my voice.

So find your own way of turning your annoyance into pleasure, and then watch your relationship start turning around, too.